mixed emotions

There is a paper chain hanging on our cork board that has 20 colorful little chains left. I get so excited to rip another one off every day. 

I'm to the point where any time I feel my stomach tightening up, I stop & wonder if this is it.

I love being in the nursery--even in the midst of its unorganized chaos--and thinking about how I will soon be feeding, snuggling, and rocking a brand new baby in that room again.

I am so excited to meet baby Griffin & I know my heart will just about explode the moment I lay my eyes on him for the first time.  All that said, the end of this pregnancy is very different from my first.  Grayson was our first child & I felt like I had waited on him for my entire life. I was more than ready for him to be here & started the "bring on labor" tricks when I was 38 weeks pregnant. I was impatient & the waiting game was almost too much for me to handle. 

This time? While I would be more than happy to meet Griffin a little earlier than his scheduled birthday, I am really taking in these last 3 weeks. They are bittersweet. 

Grayson has been the center of my world for the last 21 months. Part of me feels a tiny bit of sadness to see that end. I love that these boys will be so close in age because Grayson won't even remember life before he had a brother. On the other hand, he isn't old enough to truly understand what is about to happen & his world is about to be rocked. In a big way.

So, while I can't wait to hold this new sweet boy, I'm nervous about the transition. Not so much the transition as a parent, but the transition for Grayson. I have this fear in the back of my mind that he will feel like he has been put on the back burner & that makes me so sad!

I blame my crazy hormones on my busy brain & mixed emotions.  I just can't believe I only have a little less than 3 weeks with G as my only child!


Lynsey said...

I can't tell you how excited I am to see you in your new role as mom of 2. I know you are doing to rock it. And I can only hope and pray that Grayson has a transition like Mason did. Honestly, Mason acts like Caroline has been here his entire life. It is something that I really prayed about and feel God really answered my prayers. I can't wait to see Grayson has a big brother. And of course, can't wait to "meet" sweet Griffin! And one day I hope we really do meet!

Happiness Is... said...

I am further behind you but totally feel the same way. My current coping mechanism is denial, as in doing nothing for this poor baby girl. I need to get on it b/c we are thrilled about her but just so darn busy!

{annie_loo} @ The Farrar Four said...

This post needed a subtitle. 'GET THE KLEENEX'. Girl. Everything is going to be just fine. Grayson is going to be a great big brother. He doesn't know how to 'feel left out'. Those are learned behaviors as we get older. Just like fear. It's learned. He's little. He won't konw the difference. Mommy and Daddy will still be there, it'll just take a little more creativity to split your time. But he's gonna be fine girl! Promise!

Oh...and just remember...when it's my turn to have #2 you can just re send me this comment, because I can assure you my post will read EXACTLY AS YOURS. I have these same fears and emotions and I"m not even pregnant!


Alyssa said...

I can totally relate to how you feel. I felt the same way before I had my 2nd. My daughter was almost 5 at the time, so it was a REALLY big change for her. My son ended up coming a month early, and dropping her off at grandma's to go to the hospital was torture on me. I wasn't ready for her not to be an only child!

But she did just fine, and Grayson will, too. He's going to love having a brother and someone to play with! Hang in there!