recharged

For the past week or so I feel like I've been dragging. I've desperately needed to be recharged. I literally have felt like someone unplugged me & my battery life was slowly running out. 

This motherhood thing is hard. It can be isolating. I've been thinking about this feeling over the past few days, about how I felt defeated before I even got out of bed, and it dawned on me. I only feel like this when I stop putting the Lord first.

The word "recharged" has been popping into my head over & over again this week. Honestly, my first thought was that maybe I needed some solo mama time one night after Ben got home. Time alone to decompress. That would do the trick, right? no. I had my solo Target trip on Tuesday and it didn't do the trick. (although it was fun to browse without a squawking 1 year old)

My priorities have been all wrong lately & I'm feeling the impact of that now. God is the one who breathes life into me & He's the only one that can truly make me feel recharged. He is first. I am second.

...and just because God is really funny about throwing things in our faces when we really need to hear it, this is what Jesus Calling said a couple days ago: 

"The more you focus on My Presence with you, the more fully you can enjoy life." 

Build 'em up: Bringing Faith to Life

I love the idea of this link up! I feel like there is always so much talk about the "mommy wars" but we never talk about actually encouraging one another.  Being a mom is hard work & I know I probably wouldn't survive without the support/listening ears of my fellow mama friends! 

The topic today is about bringing your faith to life. I became a Believer when I was 13.  There have been many times that I have strayed on my walk with the Lord but as I've gotten older I have realized more and more that I'm not the one in control. I need a Savior. I am totally inadequate & have to rely on the Lord. One thing I want my boys to understand from an early age is that being a Christian is more than just going to church on Sunday mornings. It's a relationship & you have to work on it constantly...not just one day a week.

Kids learn so much through observation. I didn't really realize this until Grayson became old enough to copy things we did & things we said.  I became really mindful about everything: what I said in front of him, what I watched on tv in front of him, what music we listened to in the car.  We actually  talked about this in our Sunday School class not too long ago & one of our teachers reminded us that "what goes in is always going to come back out."  If you are filling your kids' minds with yuck, that yuck is going to come back out.  If you are filling their little minds up with good things, that good stuff is going to come back out.  I've been really  mindful as Grayson has gotten older to be more open about my faith in front of him. If something is on my heart, we have prayed about it together; even if it is in the middle of playtime on the floor.  Our walks on the neighborhood trails have become a time where we listen to my Chris Tomlin Pandora station & we sing worship songs together.

2 1/2 is a pretty challenging age. Grayson is such a talker but he still has a hard time expressing himself. I always wonder when we are reading his little toddler bible before bed how much he actually understands.  I think the times he gets it the most are when we use teachable moments. (WOW. buzz word! That totally brought the 1st grade teacher back out in me!) I remember a few weeks ago when G was acting like he was afraid of the dark before bed. He has a night light in his room but he still told me it was dark & he was scared.  I told him that he doesn't need to be afraid because God is always nearby & he just needs to talk to Him if he is ever scared.  Those are the moments that he really listens.

This topic is one that honestly makes me nervous. I just want so badly for my boys to know Jesus & to live a life that brings honor to the Lord.  I'm always afraid that I'm not doing enough to plant those seeds in their little minds.

What are some ways you bring your faith to life as a mom?Make sure you go check out Erin, Jennifer, Kelly, and Courtney's blogs today! Thanks for the link up, ladies!

on being present

The trend I noticed this year with resolutions seemed to be picking just one word as a theme for 2013. Lots of my favorite bloggers did it & it kind of got my mind rolling. 

Then, last week at my fantastic women's bible study, our leader mentioned the same thing.  She said that she had asked God to give her one word to really focus on this year. Something that she needed to really work on & pray over. 

Over & over for the past couple of weeks I have had a phrase keep popping into my head. I actually meant to write it on my resolution post but I forgot.

So, after bible study I came home and really spent some time with the Lord.  The same phrase kept coming to mind & I decided that this is what God wants me to work on this year.

Be present.

This is what I am focusing on this year. To be present.

I stay home with my boys. Sometimes my only adult interaction for the day comes in the form of a phone call or social media.  There are so many times that instead of playing & really spending time with my boys, I'm playing on my phone. I need to be present.  While they are awake, I will be present. 

 I also need to be present during my time with the Lord. I read this verse during my quiet time a few days ago and it hit me like a ton of bricks:

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14

There are so many times that I will be reading my bible in a silent room with zero distractions but my mind will still be going a mile a minute. Again, I'm not present. I feel like God was shaking my shoulders yelling, "BE STILL!" I can't fully focus on what He is trying to teach me if I can't even be present enough to listen.

So, that is my phrase for this year. To be present. What is your one word or phrase for 2013?

my hope is in You

Yesterday started as a normal & fun family day. We went to Opryland Hotel with the boys to have some Christmas fun. As we got in the car to head to lunch, I saw lots of tweets about a tragedy in Connecticut. When I read what had happened at Sandy Hook Elementary school my heart broke. As a former 1st grade teacher & as a mom, I couldn't even fathom being on any side of that horrific event. 

Things like this are happening more & more. Our world has so much evil & so much hate. But, it's times like these that bring me to my knees. I am SO thankful that this world is not my home.  My time here is just a small speck when you think of eternity & this is not as good as it gets. I am thankful for a God that was the same yesterday, today, and will still be the same tomorrow.

"And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:7

on being content.

I've been a part of this blogging community for almost 4 years. It is something that I have grown to love for so many reasons. I've connected with so many people that I would never even talk to otherwise. I am able to walk through this season of life with SO many other women who are in the same place as I am right now.

But, with every positive there is usually a negative. I think the hard part for me when I am reading blogs about another person's life is not getting caught up in comparing.  The same goes for any social media outlet, really. It's really easy to look at someone's life through the computer screen & only see perfection. After all, who really airs their dirty laundry for the world to see? (Okay, I know that everyone has THAT "friend" on facebook that does this...but let's hope they are few & far between.)

I see perfectly edited pictures of children who are smiling & I automatically assume that they must be perfectly behaved. I see pictures of someone's decorations & I immediately think their house is always spotless and then I have the desire to go out and buy more, more, more for our own home.  I see people gushing about their husbands & I think they must have the perfect marriage with no problems.  Sometimes it's hard to remember that social media allows just a glimpse into the life of a person & we don't really know what happens behind closed doors. Sometimes it makes it hard to feel content. 

I'm part of a women's bible study at our church & this was the topic last week. Contentment. It got me thinking about how I usually feel pretty content...but am I really? I know that I often struggle with being present & really soaking in where I am in this moment. I am a daydreamer by nature and often look forward to the next big thing.  I forget that while looking forward to that next stage in life, I'm missing out on what I have now.  I need to be more intentional about enjoying what God has blessed me with now.

I'm challenging myself to stop comparing. To be content with this wonderful life that I have. To really focus on the blessings I've been given and thank God.  To be content with who I am.

little ears

There are so many days that I feel like a big, fat parenting fail. When I feel like everything I say goes in one ear & right out the other. There are lots of moments that I think about the fact that my toddler has the attention span of a gnat so he can't possibly be paying attention to what I'm doing. {Which, by the way, is usually running around like a chicken with my head cut off.}

But lately we've had moments that have proved me wrong. Tender moments that fill my mama heart with pride. Moments when the lightbulb went off & I thought, "oh my gosh, Grayson DOES pay attention!"

Over the past week we've been talking a lot about our friends who are currently in Africa (they actually get back TODAY!) to bring home their newly adopted son, Eli. Ben & I talk about it a lot and we include G in the conversations talking about how his friend, Gray, now has a new brother. 

Last week when we were doing our normal bedtime routine Grayson stopped us before our prayer. In his toddler-tastic broken sentence form, he told us he wanted to pray for Gray, Eli, Ms. Leslianna, and Mr. Andy. He wanted to pray for his friends.

That's when it hit me. He does pay attention. He does watch us. And best of all? He's starting to get it. I know that he's only 2 and may not comprehend everything, but it really got me thinking. 

Not only do I need to pray for my boys, I need to lead by example.  Those little ears are listening and those little eyes are watching.

living in the moment

Have you heard of She Reads Truth? I kept seeing a lot of twitter talk about it & decided to check it out. I am so glad I did.

 

I've been waking up about an hour before Grayson lately so I can have my coffee, sit in the quiet house, and spend some time with God.  This devotional has been speaking to me every single day. It's just what I need to start my day & get my mind right.  It's amazing how God meets you where you are when you make time for Him.

Once again, yesterday morning, I opened up my bible app (I'm so tech savvy) and it was like God was thumping me in the back of my head. It was all about not living in the moment & either thinking too far ahead or letting regret from the past take over. Anyone else guilty of that? I'll shamelessly raise my hand way high up in the air. I'm very guilty of this.

I don't think it's wallowing in regret that holds me back, but I definitely am always looking forward to the next "big thing" instead of just being thankful & appreciating the season of life I am in. When I was in college, I couldn't wait to marry Ben. As soon as we got married, baby fever struck. I couldn't wait to start a family.  I've always been a daydreamer like that & constantly look ahead to the future.

This hit me hard yesterday. The next big thing for our family is welcoming a new baby boy within the next 5 weeks or less. I mean, that's a big deal, right? Yes. However, I don't want the anxiety & excitement from that to take away from these last 5 weeks with just Grayson.

These are moments I will never get back. G will never be an only child again. I am SO excited to be able to give him a little brother that is so close in age, but I also want to soak up these moments when it's just the 3 of us.

So, here's to the next 5 weeks & really focusing on the now and not the oh-my-gosh-it's-almost-here!

fears

I am doing the Beth Moore bible study on Esther with some girls from my small group. If you have never read anything by Beth Moore, you need to drive to your nearest bookstore and pick out one of her books. I love her. I love the way she makes things so easy to relate to & she seems so down to earth. Oh, and she cracks me up. Big bonus points for that.

Anyway, this week focused a lot on fear. She said something in our video last night that really rang true to me...she basically said that it's hard to really understand fear until you become a parent. Fear takes on a whole new meaning when you are responsible for another life.  When you love another person so much that you feel like your heart may burst.

I have so many new fears now. Irrational fears. When Grayson was a newborn, I was so paranoid about him suffocating while sleeping. I would check on him while he was sleeping. I would get Ben to check on him while he was sleeping. I would get that anxious feeling before bed & truly felt that if I didn't go peak on him before I went to sleep, that something terrible would happen. Although that fear has subsided there are new fears that come with him getting older. What if he falls and hits his head on the ground? What if we get in a car accident and he gets seriously hurt?  What if he chokes on something when I'm not looking? What if someone takes him? What if I fail him as a parent?

Those types of fears can be paralyzing, if you let them. Those are the types of fears that Satan uses against us. I know that it is completely normal as a parent to have these fears sometimes...but I certainly do not want to live my life always thinking "what if??"

I am so guilty of doing this. I know that some of those fears could possibly become a reality--but I am not going to live in fear. If one of my "what if" fears happens, then guess what? I have a loving God to get me through it. God was good yesterday & He will be good tomorrow.


"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." - Isaiah 41:13

Happy Easter!

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

For in the ground, his body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again!

And as he stands in victory
Sins curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand!

We had a great first Easter with G and I hope you did too!!

Christmas.

Yes, I have a Christmas tree. or 3.
Yes, I absolutely drive my husband crazy by listening to Christmas music in the car, on the computer, and from our tv.
Yes, I could watch ELF, The Family Stone, and A Christmas Story over and over again.
Yes, there will be Santa in our house as well as Elf on a Shelf.
Yes, I buy presents for the people in my family...including the 3 dogs.
Yes, I think decorating for the holidays is so fun & so is driving around looking at beautiful lights.
But no, this is not why I celebrate Christmas. Maybe Christmas has become a commercialized holiday & lots of people have only become concerned with gifts.

However, this is why I celebrate Christmas ~ Luke 2:9-11
⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.

I celebrate Christmas because it is about the birth of my Savior. My Savior who died on the cross so that I could live. Now that, my bloggy friends, is the reason I celebrate Christmas.

atlanta recap...so long insecurity!

This past weekend I went back to Atlanta to see Beth Moore...live! I went with my mom, aunt Terri, & my cousin Blakely. There were 9,500 women among us...that is A LOT of estrogen in one church!! Here we are during our lunch break...Blakely is 6 months pregnant & due about 6 weeks before me!

The conference was great...Beth Moore is so funny! She reminds me a little of a tiny Texas version of Paula Deen. I'm a fan:)

I am in the middle of reading her newest book, "So Long Insecurity," and so far it is great. I recommend it! There were 300,000 women across the North America tuning in to her simulcast...isn't that amazing?! She kept talking about how lots of Christians pray and ask God for guidance...but sometimes we don't always trust what He wants us to do. What if every Christian always did exactly what the Lord told them to do? How different would our lives be? I know that is something that I need to work on. Being still enough to actually listen...and do.

It was a great weekend at "home" and I am so happy I got to see the fam. We went to dinner at La Paz (yum in my prego tum) with my parents, aunt and uncle, Blakely, Wes, and their little boy. I had not seen Ashton is SO long! In fact, last time I saw him he was a baby who could not talk & now he is like a little boy! We had fun & I am hoping I will get to see more of them this summer before Ashton becomes a big brother!

Tomorrow is our BIG DAY! I haven't been able to sleep because I am so excited to find out what our sweet baby is! I am just praying that he/she cooperates and gives us a chance to see the goods!!