our brave Cheney

I am mostly writing this just because I need to remember it. I have honestly been putting this off because I don't want to think about it.  Our little girl is as tough as nails. You probably remember how she spent most of last winter super sick. She earned herself a trip to our local hospital for lots of bloodwork & then on to Vanderbilt for a consult with the infectious disease department for more bloodwork. Thank the Lord, nothing serious was wrong & we got everything figured out. Well, February proves once again to just not be her month.

In the middle of the night after we went to a Super Bowl get together, she was up most of the night acting uncomfortable. Cheney came downstairs that next Monday morning saying, "my belly is hurting me."  This is not something she had complained about before, but I just chalked it up to a potential stomach virus. I took her to our pediatrician late that afternoon for his last appointment & he assumed the same. He listened to her stomach and said based on the sounds he heard, he did not think it was appendicitis. Late that night she declined in a big way. She could not sleep, she had a fever, & she was clearly hurting. I took her back to the doctor first thing the next morning & he ruled out all the other things--flu, strep, UTI. Y'all, I have never seen Cheney act so miserable. She had not eaten or had anything to drink in 24 hours. The pediatrician knew something was not right & sent me to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital for an abdominal ultrasound.

That drive was terrible. It was raining & she was so uncomfortable in her carseat. She just moaned the whole way. The radiologist & our doctor confirmed what I had already assumed: appendicitis. Our little baby girl would need emergency surgery in the next few hours. I felt awful. She had been hurting for about 36 hours--I can't even fathom what kind of pain she was in.

I sat with her in a hospital room by myself for a while. Cheney was lethargic, dehydrated, & in so much pain. She was laying on an exam table with rosy red cheeks & those beautiful blue eyes would open every now and then & she looked so scared.  I would have given anything in that moment to trade places with her. To be the one in pain. For the first time ever, I feel like I really understood something that I have known for as long as I have been a mama. These children are not mine. They belong to the Lord. We are responsible for them, but ultimately, we have to entrust them to God. Part of me was so angry. I was mad that she had been sick for a long time and mad that this tiny little girl was about to have surgery. The other part of me was so thankful that Cheney belongs to the Lord. I knew deep down that He had this.  He had walked before us. He had her in the palm of his hand. Letting go of her as she screamed for me & trusting those doctors with her precious life was the hardest thing I have ever had to do as a mama. I want to be in control.  I want her to stay in my nest so that I know she is safe & taken care of; but I know that is not how it always is. I had to surrender my control & my little girl that afternoon. It was hard.

Cheney's appendix had ruptured. No wonder she had been in so much pain. We stayed on a surgical & trauma hall for 3 days while she recovered. I saw so many children that week that had been through much more than Cheney. It was heartbreaking. That was a really rough week but I am just SO thankful that we got to leave that hospital with a healthy girl & that we don't have to worry about her appendix ever again.
Cheney is the bravest girl I know!

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